Offsets, jets and onsets

Managing directors tent to think they are entitled to a few privileges. I suspect that’s why Jeffersons chose to send me their leaflet on hiring private jets. But as my hand hovered over the burgeoning junk-mail bin, my eye was drawn to a line claiming ‘All flights Carbon Neutral’.

Surely this has to be one of the greatest follies of our modern age? Can we truly fly around in a private jet and feel OK about our carbon emissions? Don’t worry folks, they say, the fat cats aren’t burning up the planet in their private jets. In fact they’re causing less damage than all the train travellers crawling along down there who don’t see the need to offset your emissions.

Who had struck this Faustian deal with Jeffersons? Why our old friends the Carbon Neutral Company, of course. Originally called Future Forests, the Carbon Neutral Company changed its name when it realised that the 100 years it takes a forest to offset our carbon emissions wasn’t going to do much to slow the pace of global warming.

What worries me most about these carbon buccaneers is they are heavily funded by our own bank, Triodos. Triodos is a fantastically ethical bank, but this seems to be their Achilles Heel. I’ve lobbied them about this on many occasions, but so far to no avail.

If carbon offsetting has you puzzled, it’s all explained at http://www.cheatneutral.com/ . This site offers you the chance of guilt-free infidelity. Go ahead, sleep around! Just make sure you give some money to help some one else stay faithful .

The truth about offsetting is that it is far too cheap. The money people receive is far short of what they need to fully offset your emissions. But what I can’t understand is who is entitled to offset money? I gave up my car ten years back, so can I have some? Probably not, because I’m relatively rich. But isn’t it the rich who most need to cut their carbon?

A more positive move than offsetting would be onsetting. Cut your consumption, and give some of the money you save to encourage others to do the same. That way you could be more than guilt free, you could feel proud of yourself.